A Joke a Day

Hier wieder ein netter Witz aus meinem Kalender "A Joke a Day": A DOCTOR AND A LAWYER were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to treat his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an invoice for such advice," replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the...

In meinem Abreißkalender "A Joke a Day" habe ich wieder einmal einen netten Joke gefunden: "A Traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. "Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the...

Ich habe wieder einen netten "Joke" in meinem Abreißkalender gefunden: A Fellow walked into a doctor's office, and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said "Shingles". So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. Ten minutes later a nurse came in...

In unserem Abreißkalender "A Joke a Day" habe ich gestern wieder eine nette, witzige Episode gelesen. Dieses Mal ging es um die Vokabel "distress": "Our young son adopted a stray cat. To my distress, the cat began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched the sofa, my husband swiftly deposited him outdoors to...

In unserem Abreißkalender "A Joke a Day" fand ich am 30. August d.J. folgenden Witz, den ich gern weiter geben möchte: Three old men were at the doctor's for a memory test. The doctor asked the first old man: "What is two times two?" "194," came the reply. The doctor turned to the second old man. "What is two times two?" "Thursday," replied the second old man. Finally the doctor addressed the third old man. "What is two times two?" "Four," came the answer. "That's great," said the doctor. "How...

Am 11. November las ich folgenden Joke in meinem Kalender "A Joke a Day", den ich dieses Mal der Einfachheit halber gleich in der Übersetzung wiedergebe: "Eine erfolgreiche, arbeitssüchtige Geschäftsfrau hat eine Herzattacke und fällt in ein Koma. Wegen ihres Nahtodzustands findet sie sich im Himmel vor Gott wieder. "Oh nein, war's das? Ist mein Leben wirklich vorbei?" schnauft sie. "Nein", sagt Gott, "du liegst nur in einem Koma. Du hast noch 20 Jahre zu leben." Dann erwacht die Frau plötzlich...

Über den gestrigen Witz in meinem Abreißkalender "A Joke a Day" musste ich herzlich lachen: Teacher: Why are you so quiet? Pupil: I'm sad. Ages ago Mummy said I was going to have a baby brother. Teacher: Well, that's good news, isn't it? Pupil: I thought so but the other day Mummy came up to me and showed me her big fat belly. She told me to put my hand on it and that if I did I would be able to feel my baby brother in her tummy. Teacher: What's so sad about that? Pupil: I think Mummy has eaten...

Am 14. Juni las ich in meinem Kalender "A Joke a Day" folgenden kleinen Witz: "A MAN, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment." The wife replies, " Well, your eyesight's damn near perfect." Übersetzung: "EIN MANN betrachtet sich nackt im Schlafzimmerspiegel und sagt zu seiner Frau: "Ich fühle mich schrecklich. Ich bin fett und hässlich. Bitte mach mir ein Kompliment." Die Ehefrau antwortet: "Na ja, dein...

Am 28. Mai las ich folgenden Witz in meinem Abreißkalender "A Joke a Day": Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child considered this for a moment, then said, "So why is the bridegroom wearing black?" Übersetzung: Ein kleines Mädchen, das zum ersten Mal auf einer Hochzeit war, flüsterte seiner Mutter zu: "Warum trägt die Braut...

Ostern fand ich folgenden Witz in meinem Kalender "A Joke a Day": Last night I was sitting on the sofa with my wife and I said to her: "Darling, I don't ever want to find myself in a vegetative state, totally dependent on a machine and bottled fluids to keep me alive. It would be my biggest nightmare and therefore I would wish you to pull the plug. So she got up, unplugged my Playstation and threw out my beer." Übersetzung: Letzte Nacht saß ich mit meiner Frau auf dem Sofa und sagte zu ihr:...

Am Wochenende fand ich diesen netten Joke auf unserem Kalender: A SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service: "Why do you have to be quiet in church?" To which one little girl replied: "Because people are sleeping." Übersetzung: EINE SONNTAGSSCHULLEHRERIN fragte ihre Kinder auf dem Weg zum Gottesdienst: "Warum müsst ihr in der Kirche ruhig sein?" Darauf antwortete ein kleines Mädchen: "Weil die Leute schlafen." Na, dann gute Nacht! :-)

Der Witz des Tages vom Wochenende ist wieder ganz nett, so dass ich ihn hier wiedergeben möchte: "The older we get, the more we are like computers. We start off with memory, speed and drive, end up out of date and needing our parts replacing." Übersetzung: "Je älter wir werden, desto mehr sind wir wie Computer. Wir beginnen mit Speicherkapazität, Geschwindigkeit und Schwung und enden veraltet und reparaturbedürftig." Wie im richtigen Leben!

In diesem Jahr hängt wieder einmal der Sprachkalender "A Joke a Day" an unserer Küchenwand. Am gestrigen 3. Februar lasen wir folgenden Witz, mit dem ich zur Aufheiterung heute beitragen möchte: THE NEW EMPLOYEE stood before the paper shredder, looking confused. The secretary walked over and asked whether he needed any help. "Yes please," he replied, "how does this thing work?" The secretary takes the fat report and feeds it through the shredder. "Great, thank you," he replies. "But where do...

Diesen netten Witz fand ich gestern auf dem Kalenderblatt von "A Joke a Day": A family of mice was surprised by a big cat, so up jumped Father Mouse and shouted, "WOOF!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language." Übersetzung: Eine Mäusefamilie wurde von einer großen Katze überrascht, also sprang Vater Maus auf und schrie "Wau-wau!" Die Katze rannte davon. "Was war denn das, Vater?", fragte Baby-Maus. "Siehst...

Gestern las ich folgenden Witz auf dem Kalenderblatt von "A Joke a Day": A man walks up to the counter and asks for a plate of potatoes. The woman serving says, "Oh, you must be from Ireland." The man is furious, "What sort of stereotypical remark is that? If I walked in here and asked for a curry, would you automatically think I was Indian?" "Of course not," replied the woman. "Well," says the man angrily, "So what makes you think that I must be Irish then?" The woman quickly replies, "Umm,...