Englisch für Anfänger – Teil 2

Notification to all myheimatler regarding language –
Notiz für alle myheimatler in Bezug auf die Englische Sprache in dem Beitrag: Auswandern mit "Denglisch" oder Schulenglisch - doch am Ende steht man doch nur rum, wie ein "Ochs vor 'm Berg" von Rainer Bernhard aus Seelze.

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during execution of their duties. Due to complaints from some myheimatler who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

However, we do realise the importance of myheimatler being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other myheimatler. With this in mind, the Myheimat Human Resources section had compiled a list of code phrase replacements so the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risking offences to our more sensitive co-myheimat workers.

Old Phrase-------------------------------------------->New Phrase

No fucking way-------------------------------------->I’m fairly sure that’s not feasible
Tell someone, who gives a fuck--------------->Really
No cunt told me------------------------------------->I wasn’t involved with this project
I don’t have the fucking time------------------->Perhaps I can work late
Who fucking cares--------------------------------->Are you sure that’s a problem?
Eat shit and die------------------------------------->You don’t say
Eat shit and die motherfucker----------------->You don’t say, Sir
Kiss my arse----------------------------------------->So, you would like me to help you
He’s a fucking prick------------------------------->He’s somewhat insensitive
She’s a ball-busting bitch----------------------->She’s an aggressive go-getter
You have not got a fucking clue-------------->You could use some more training
This place is fucked------------------------------>We are a little disorganised today
What sort of fuck-wit are you------------------>You’re new here, aren’t you
Fuck off shit-head -------------------------------->Well, there you go
You’re a fucking wanker------------------------>You’re my supervisor and I respect you
Ha, suck eggs-------------------------------------->I wasn’t there that day
You’re fucking paranoid------------------------>So, you’re from (...)Seelze?
You’re fucking useless------------------------->So, you’re from (....)Laatzen?
Fuck off---------------------------------------------->I’ll look into it and get back to you
Fuck off dickhead-------------------------------->I no longer require your assistance
How’d ya get this piece of shit to work---->Well done
You fucking looser------------------------------->Gee, that was unfortunate